I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
false alarm, still single
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
