...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize