I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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