you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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