ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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