I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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