is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
