im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
