found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
