And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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