I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
