I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
