I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
And then my night got REAL pukey
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize