Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
