You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
