he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
