I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
