FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
My pussy is not your playground.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
