You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
