I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
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