he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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