i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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