please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
