i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
