True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
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