i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
