I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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