And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
