plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
