If that was your dad, he is hot
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
