Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
