I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
