therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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