sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
