Heybabeimwearingurpanties
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
