Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
