I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
