PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize