EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
