Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
