I am in a vortex of obligation.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
