dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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