I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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