the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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