Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize