drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize