My first STD was from a foam party
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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