we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
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