my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
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