i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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