3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
