My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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