I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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