I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Houston, we have a squirter
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
