you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
