sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
