apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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