do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
