Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
