its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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