Me too!
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
