You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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