chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
