yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
