dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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