So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
