Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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