There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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