Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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