We won't sleep together?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Randomize
