glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
