I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
