Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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