It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
zippers are such a cool invention
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
