Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize