glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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