theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
