i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
