I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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