Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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